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Why We Hurt Others

The experience of hurting others or being hurt is not a novel one. Hurt happens from many reasons both toward us and from us.

Habits and patterns of decisions are not simply mishaps; they are revealers of character.

For example, a self-righteous mindset can destroy the potential capacity and capability of covenant relationships and friendships. A condemning thought-life toward others (even if people have offended you) can lead to alienating others and rejecting them in the name of “not wanting to be hurt” or asserting “they don’t know your worth.”

Because we are human beings, the possibility and probability of hurting someone else and being hurt exist because we all possess areas in our lives that are frail, flawed and fragile. Although hurting someone may not be intentional or deliberate, we must take a closer view “how” we interact, along with any cyclical behaviors that are recurrent or habitual.

It has been helpful for me to know ways that I could be causing harm. Unaware, I have shadowy parts of me that may hurt someone. The more I have grown in self-awareness the more I learned to let go of internal obscure fragments that are my deep ingrained habits, instead of playing the “blame game” I can engage in ownership without alluding to anyone else’s behaviors toward me.

No one should “make me” hurt them.

Equipped with that understanding, our life experiences and mindset must experience the following to avoid “hurting” others and reduce the impact of how our unconscious, subconscious and implicit habits may harm others unknowingly.

*what offends our minds reveal our hearts

*what we depend on is tested (motives, rationale and emotions)

*when we pause and breathe with reflection, we can act differently than previous times and attend to our thoughts prior to our reactions, thus producing a more responsive mode

By pausing we become cognizant of self-sabotage and ways we betray our values.

Choose to own it, look at why you are the way you are, and realize you might possess a learned tactic to cope with unrelated pain, misplaced passion and extraneous anxiety.


To experience real change that matters, how can you pause?

What does pausing do to bring you into awareness of “why” you may hurt others?

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