top of page
  • Writer's picture#changearchitect

Emotional Escrow: Letters to Yourself First-Then Others

As part of my grief recovery and wholeness journey, I craft handwriting letters and cards: signing them, dating them, placing wax on them and sealing them too. These letters are written to people I deeply and dearly love.

  • Who I miss.

  • Who I care about.

  • Who I have lost.

  • Who I have hurt.

  • Who I have disappointed.

  • Who have hurt and harmed me along with a plethora of scenarios

I want and need them in my life. The sentiments are not reciprocal. Many days I wish and hope these impaired relationships were healthy and functional. I fondly remember going from apologizing to over-apologizing, reaching out for calling, texting to being blocked, ignored, passed over and feeling like an option. Unfortunately, disruptive circumstances paired with choices to move on with life have prohibited a healthy restorative, conciliatory process. Looking backward retrospectively helps me move forward introspectively.

I call these writing actions “Emotional Escrow.” I likely won’t mail these letters and cards to the addressed, yet within these sealed parchments, I express how I feel, why I feel that way and the love I hope to express one day face-to-face.

This self-validation and affirmation scribal practice helps me locate where I am emotionally, mentally and psychologically. They feel like multiple "Adam, where are you?" moments: questions of disposition. Questions from ...

Lessons learned.

Principles imparted.

Thoughts assessed.

Clarity gained.

Decisions informed and fickle.

Mind renewed.

Choices unpredictable.

Soul anchored.

Heart wrenched and wounded.

Scenarios replayed.

Memory revisited.

Mirrors faced.

Reflection revealed.

Past - a contemplative educator

Present - an empowering supporter

Future - a visionary sojourner

Sometimes the greatest sign of kindness is letting someone be. If they have made a choice to disconnect from you, let it be. When others set a boundary toward you, that does not mean you are not good for them or they are not good for you, it means choices were made, regardless of the impetus behind those decisions. People have a right to make choices for themselves to disengage, detach and disassociate without a need for evaluative feedback or comprehensive explanations for the underlying reasons.

Here's a truth:

You are the image of God in the earth and so are they.

That’s the glory of it all—you matter and they matter. In the kingdom economy, there are no comparative measures: there is love, acceptance and forgiveness. Do not diminish your shine because someone wants to put your lights out. Do not measure your essence and existence because someone has decided to isolate and separate from you.

The truth is-

God is with you. AND God is with them.

When the boundary setting happens or the decision to disengage takes place:

Do not internalize or personalize the experience.


Do not marginalize them because of their choices.


Do not sanitize or minimize the impact of the loss of connection.


Do actualize how you feel, explore why you feel that way and keep moving forward.


The presence of God is not mutually exclusive.

Remember. God was with Paul and God was with Barnabas.

Recent Posts

See All

3 commentaires

Noté 0 étoile sur 5.
Pas encore de note

Ajouter une note
13 sept. 2020

Thank you for sharing this and that one of the most profound ways in the process is growth.


10 sept. 2020

This is insightful. It's amazing to see how you are navigating through your journey to wholeness. This proves the truth that it's not the journey but the way we maneuver through it that determines the outcome... Profound Patrick!


Audria Davis
Audria Davis
09 sept. 2020

This wisdom illuminated some places in my soul that desperately needed the light of acceptance. Thank you, Patrick. May God continue to grace your way as you navigate life and grow forward. Your walk is blessing many!

bottom of page