Emotional Escrow: Letters to Yourself First-Then Others
As part of my grief recovery and wholeness journey, I craft handwriting letters and cards: signing them, dating them, placing wax on them and sealing them too. These letters are written to people I deeply and dearly love.
Who I miss.
Who I care about.
Who I have lost.
Who I have hurt.
Who I have disappointed.
Who have hurt and harmed me along with a plethora of scenarios
I want and need them in my life. The sentiments are not reciprocal. Many days I wish and hope these impaired relationships were healthy and functional. I fondly remember going from apologizing to over-apologizing, reaching out for calling, texting to being blocked, ignored, passed over and feeling like an option. Unfortunately, disruptive circumstances paired with choices to move on with life have prohibited a healthy restorative, conciliatory process. Looking backward retrospectively helps me move forward introspectively.
I call these writing actions “Emotional Escrow.” I likely won’t mail these letters and cards to the addressed, yet within these sealed parchments, I express how I feel, why I feel that way and the love I hope to express one day face-to-face.
This self-validation and affirmation scribal practice helps me locate where I am emotionally, mentally and psychologically. They feel like multiple "Adam, where are you?" moments: questions of disposition. Questions from ...
Decisions informed and fickle.
Heart wrenched and wounded.
Past - a contemplative educator
Present - an empowering supporter
Future - a visionary sojourner
Sometimes the greatest sign of kindness is letting someone be. If they have made a choice to disconnect from you, let it be. When others set a boundary toward you, that does not mean you are not good for them or they are not good for you, it means choices were made, regardless of the impetus behind those decisions. People have a right to make choices for themselves to disengage, detach and disassociate without a need for evaluative feedback or comprehensive explanations for the underlying reasons.
Here's a truth:
You are the image of God in the earth and so are they.
That’s the glory of it all—you matter and they matter. In the kingdom economy, there are no comparative measures: there is love, acceptance and forgiveness. Do not diminish your shine because someone wants to put your lights out. Do not measure your essence and existence because someone has decided to isolate and separate from you.
The truth is-
God is with you. AND God is with them.
When the boundary setting happens or the decision to disengage takes place:
Do not internalize or personalize the experience.
GROW BY IT.
Do not marginalize them because of their choices.
GROW IN SPITE OF IT.
Do not sanitize or minimize the impact of the loss of connection.
GROW THROUGH IT.
Do actualize how you feel, explore why you feel that way and keep moving forward.
GROW BECAUSE OF IT.
The presence of God is not mutually exclusive.
Remember. God was with Paul and God was with Barnabas.
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Today, I release what does not belong to me. What lives in the mind of others does not belong to me. I don't own seeds that I didn't plant or fruit emerging from those places. I am learning to tend